Review: Catwoman #19

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Slam

Oh, Selina. How the mighty have fallen. You were once the ultimate adventurer. You were once a proud antihero. You are now a flighty, senseless creature who is difficult to enjoy on any level, but I'm trying to enjoy you. I really am. I just wish your writer would get off the drugs and pay you some respect. I've already seen enough from the preview to know this issue will probably be another stinker, but I'm willing for you to impress me. Please surprise me, Selina. I know there is a great character in there somewhere.

Is this the kind of cat you want to curl up in your lap and warm your heart, or is this just a mad feline who pees on the carpet and shreds the couch?

In this issue, the JLA take Catwoman to Arkham because either Nocenti or some editor thought it sounded like a way cool idea, man.

Duuuuuude...

Dude, this issue is like so amazing. Like, the things that happen are just soooooo cool, and the colors are kinda colorful. They're not like super colors, but more like mega colors, but it's subtle...like the rain.

Catwoman totally goes to Arkham, and it's a major trip man, but it's not like what is seems. It's one of those conspiracies because the governmental Man is like telling her she has to. She just wants to know her name, right? She just wants to know who she is because she's totally like got this person who is her who is somewhere else, so she's working with the Man, man, and it's like a major bummer because these fascists superhero pigs throw her in jail, man. Major bummer.

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But Catwoman's cool because she's like totally in control. She knows things and stuff, but she's just like watching while she's in the prison, man. It's like her eyes are open. Not just open, but reeeeally open, and she sees all this stuff that just blends in with the fascist states of oppression, man. It doesn't make sense.

Then, she totally escapes with this cool bro, but the bro turns evil, and she has to hit him, and I said, give peace a chance, Selina. Just smoke some plants, man, and it'll be cool. You'll just chill, and it'll be cool.

Then the cat lady totally teaches this fascist tool. Make love not war by showing him man. By showing him. You walk a mile in my shoes, she said. She said that, but now with words.

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Then Selina like shoves out these birds eyes man. I'm not kidding she shoves them out, and the stones move and its like the freakin' chamber of God looking down on her, with the statues of kingdom come, man. It's totally rad, man. Then she leaves, and it's all good again.

Okay, No More of That

Look, Ann Nocenti is on drugs, and it's painfully clear that whatever writing talent she may have once had has now been completely lost to her doped up brain. I could easily spend three hours talking about the problems with this issue, but if you've ever read her work, you know what to expect. Sometimes, her stories end up feeling fun if a bit disjointed and immature, but this is not one of those. From page 1, it's as if Nocenti just wrote whatever came to mind in a first draft and sent it to print.

The only thing worthwhile in this whole issue was the two page exchange between Catwoman and Dr. Arkham, and that was not poetry, but at least it was substantive as Dr. Arkham made some legitimate points in trying to analyze Selina's mental condition. Dr. Arkham has the potential to be an interesting character, and I love to see him being manipulative while pretending (or perhaps sincerely trying) to care.

Conclusion 2/10

This is awful. DC should be ashamed to publish this book not only because of its poor quality but also because by giving this woman money, they are clearly enabling a serious drug issue.

Disclaimer

I don't actually know if Nocenti takes drugs. It is a fact that she edited a news magazine that promotes a wide array of different drugs, and I strongly suspect she is gets high frequently just based on her spaced out writing, but I do not know, so I should make that distinction. I usually try to keep things professional with my reviews, but I was exhausted when I wrote this last night, and I'm completely sick and angry about what Nocenti is doing to this character and what DC is allowing. I've been pushed over the edge from exasperation and into anger on this one, but I was unnecessarily rude, and I'm sorry for that.

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